listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
