Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
