I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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