she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If I die, sorry about rent.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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