if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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