I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
