i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
