Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
