she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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