He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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