I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
