My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
