i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
