Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
