Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
