i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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