Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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