I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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