Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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