I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
