dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
