1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
