id be glad to
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
