Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
