look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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