"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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