as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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