I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
