sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
