I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
