My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
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It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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