He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
