areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
