ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
