I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
