I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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