you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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