i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
