I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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