You work out of a Hotel?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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