I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
