My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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