u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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