I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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