I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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