I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
