btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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