I'm really into asian looking animals
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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