those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
