i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
