Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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