I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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