Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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