I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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