Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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