I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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