heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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