Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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