GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
