Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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