i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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