Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
