Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
