idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
