I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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