time to smoke my breakfast
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
