Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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