am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
