I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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