Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
