Sry I called you an 8
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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