If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
